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(As a side note, it looks like the battery might be the original one; see if you can find a date code on it - on mine it was engraved on one of the terminals. Once you have a multimeter, it would be a good idea to check it.)
you mean on this engraving, it really seems that it's the original battery, i'll test it with a multimeter tomorrow if i get hold of one
 

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you mean on this engraving, it really seems that it's the original battery, i'll test it with a multimeter tomorrow if i get hold of one
Yup, that's the one - week 21 of year 2012. Since start/stop puts a lot more strain on the battery than a normal engine, it is definitely worth checking it's still healthy. If you only have access to a multimeter, checks to do are in this video. Even better is if you can get your hands on a battery tester; nice video explaining the process here. The critical value in this case is the CCA (cold cranking amps) - even if a battery can produce the right voltage, if it can't generate enough amps under maximum load, you won't start, which may also be why your start/stop system wasn't working properly (and if the starter was dying, it was probably drawing more power than it should do, which could also damage the battery). Once you solve the starter problem, if that battery is still good, take the car for a decent drive or put the battery on a charger, as all of your attempted starts will be running it down.
 

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i got a hold of a unimeter from a friend, it's quite different than the ones seen in videos you shared with me
...anyway i've connected the cables to terminals and if i got the instructions the friend gave me i think i've set the device properly, which scale do i read?

should i bump start the car and do another readings while the car is working

edit: i can't check if theres enough amps (cca) in a battery to start the car or that's actually the reason in a first place why car won't start
 

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i got a hold of a unimeter from a friend, it's quite different than the ones seen in videos you shared with me
...anyway i've connected the cables to terminals and if i got the instructions the friend gave me i think i've set it properly, which scale do i read?

should i bump start the car and do another readings while the car is working
Thanks for the photo - it has done what we needed. With the engine off, the battery is giving just under 10V. I know you've tried to start your car and have tested the electric devices since it was last charged fully, but if it's that low it's nearly dead. While I still think the main problem is with your starter, changing the battery also eliminates one possible explanation for your symptoms. Make sure the new one is rated for at least 320A CCA DIN/640A CCA EN (that's the same as your current one), is listed as being start/stop compatible (it will have either EFB or AGM printed on it) and it has the size dimensions you gave in your first post. As an example, this appears to be the current version of the battery in your car:
 

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i got a hold of a unimeter from a friend, it's quite different than the ones seen in videos you shared with me
...anyway i've connected the cables to terminals and if i got the instructions the friend gave me i think i've set the device properly, which scale do i read?

should i bump start the car and do another readings while the car is working

edit: i can't check if theres enough amps (cca) in a battery to start the car or that's actually the reason in a first place why car won't start
Sorry, you asked how to read the meter. You want the top gauge, in black. V for volts, and the symbol for direct current (which is what batteries give) is a solid line over dotted lines (see Wikipedia). The gauge has multiple numbers; you decide which one to use based on where you set the dial at the bottom. You have set it to 50V (which is correct), so the maximum range of the gauge is 50. Looking at the numbers printed above the gauge at the maximum position for the needle, 50 is the value printed to the right of the vertical line, so each mark along the scale equals 1V (there are 10 divisions between each cluster of numbers). The needle is pointing to the first group of numbers, or 20 over 4 | 10. 10 is the number to the right of the vertical line (and is 10 divisions from 0) so that is what the meter is reading from your battery.
 

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Here are the readings from the unimeter after i've bump started the car and drove it around the block for 20 mins
OK, 13.2V is closer to the right answer. If you've watched the video I linked to with the battery tester, you'll remember the part where he describes how a battery can display the right voltage when fully charged, but still not have enough amps to turn the engine over. When freshly charged (which is what's happened while you were driving around), a battery will also provide more than its official voltage due to a build-up of charge on the plates inside the battery (which is why he had to hold down the test button for 5-10 sec. before taking a reading), which is harder to do with your meter. My suspicion is that your battery is still dying, but until you can start the engine normally and see what happens to the battery voltage, that will be hard to test (you can't watch the multimeter safely while bump-starting!).

Are you happy to check the starter relay as suggested before?
 

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Are you happy to check the starter relay as suggested before?
This video explains how to tell whether it's the starter motor or the relay (please note the safety warnings about putting the car in neutral and handbrake on before trying!), this one is a safer option for testing the relay itself, and this one gives some background on how the starter system functions. There are 2 starter relays; these and the relevant fuses are found in the dash panel behind the steering wheel (see here). Hopefully they will be labelled something helpful like J906 and J907 (if I have time this afternoon I will go into mine and see if I can identify them).
i can try :D
first i need to locate their exact locations in the car, what kind of wire can i use for a test?
 

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The pictures on the fuse website aren't very clear. I will go and have a look at mine and see if I can find them.
 

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Right, this is proving somewhat more complicated than it should be. The dash panel requires a flat-bladed screwdriver to remove. There's a rectangular access hole at the bottom, near the door hinge; insert blade of screwdriver here and gently prise off the panel (pictures in your manual, roughly p.230). Here is what my car's inside dash looks like, remembering that mine is right-hand drive so things will probably be reversed on your car:

access panel off:
4698


relays (with camera inside the dash):
4699


The items labelled '644', '645' and '646' are all relays. However, googling them indicates that they are all multi-purpose, so those labels alone are not enough to identify them. As far as I can tell from ETKA (the VW parts catalogue) and the fuse site I linked to before, on mine the starter is controlled by one of the 645 relays and one of the 646 relays. On yours, there should be an additional 507 relay. The positions of the relays in the photo above are nothing like any of the diagrammes I've seen, so the best I can suggest is to take them out one at a time, test it according to this video, and if it is ok, put it back exactly where you found it. The other relays are part of the fuel pump system, so you definitely don't want to cause any problems there.
 

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oh wow...
to be honest this seems to be ''out of my league'' xD
tomorrow i'm buying a new battery in a hope that it'll fix the issue i'm dealing with... if not then i might try with relays
i'll def keep you updated

btw plancast you good sir i can't thank you enough for your help so far, you provided me very useful informations about all of this, thank you very much
 

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oh wow...
to be honest this seems to be ''out of my league'' xD
tomorrow i'm buying a new battery in a hope that it'll fix the issue i'm dealing with... if not then i might try with relays
i'll def keep you updated

btw plancast you good sir i can't thank you enough for your help so far, you provided me very useful informations about all of this, thank you very much
Not a problem, and you're very welcome. Stopping before hurting yourself or the car is very important. BTW, I'm a she, not a sir. :)
I think changing the battery is a very good idea, whatever else you choose to do. After that, the relays are the next easiest things to check. If they're ok, you need to get the car up on racks and check the starter solonoid, as @911ts3 suggested. If that sounds more than is practical for you, I would suggest stopping after the battery and getting it to your local garage. They will have the tools, parts and knowledge to get it sorted, and hopefully you'll be back on the road without any more bump-starts!
Let me/us know how you get on. We all like to hear people are enjoying their Up!s, and yours has had a very bumpy first few weeks!
 

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Good, glad it's all sorted.
 

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?

battery changed with an AGM one, some german brand, it was recommended to me by a person working in a battery shop and now everything is as it should be, even the start/stop feature is working now woohoo
Excellent news - now time to enjoy it!
 

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Even if no error is flagged on a battery change, the computer-stored battery profile will likely continue, i.e. using its last-stored-profile, which takes into account battery ageing. This may be different to what the new battery requires, which may then affect its life.

The whole thing is a minefield - we don't really know if we are being fed FUD or disinformation from VW, who are looking to make dealers a profit, or if re-coding a new battery genuinely helps.
 

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So far I have not had a signal Battery Check. I just want to change it during the summer. 5 years and a half life. So the computer-stored battery profile should be OK I think?
 

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The profile is, I believe, dynamic and not fixed. That is to say it also takes into account the number of starts, and over time adjusts its estimate of battery health.
 

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The profile is, I believe, dynamic and not fixed. That is to say it also takes into account the number of starts, and over time adjusts its estimate of battery health.
So what will prevent it from returning to the new battery profile? After 3 or 4 starts?
 
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